Some Things I’ve Learned From My Healthy Relationship With My Husband
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how grateful I am to have found my life partner. Like Charlotte said in Sex and the City, “not all day everyday, but everyday.” For context, she was stating that everyday she is happy in her relationship. Sean and I have our moments of course, we are human, but it always equalizes back to a place of love and mutual respect for one another. We have been together for almost 10 years. 7 of those years married. And they have been the best 10 years of my life. Throughout this decade we have been through our share of life. From multiple moves, jobs, and various life events. We our each others touching stones and we made a commitment to always be that for one another when we got married. We are best friends and love being with each other. I wanted to share some things i’ve learned after almost a decade of being in my healthy, happy, stable relationship.
Vulnerability is beautiful & brave
It can be scary to open yourself up to others and be honest about you feel. A partner is just that, taking part of your daily life. The ups and downs. I am much more emotional than Sean, but we share how we feel consistently and always have. When someone loves and respect YOU, who you TRULY are, they tend to your vulnerabilities and help you work through them with out judgment or hesitation. For me, it’s important to have someone who keeps me centered, challenges my thought process and reconciles my irrational thinking. Someone that knows and loves you wholeheartedly, and is in tuned with your strengths and weaknesses. They feed your strengths with kindness, motivation and praise. They talk through your weaknesses, help you understand them from a different perspective.
Playing games is playing with one’s heart
I know a lot of people may disagree with me here and think that game playing is foreplay and just apart of dating, and maybe so. I’ve definitely been out of the dating game (pun intended) for a while now. But, I just think it’s silly, especially when things are getting serious. Who has time for that? It can be exhausting and confusing. Sean and I have always said exactly how we feel about one another. Regardless of the timing or social norms. Back to the vulnerability piece, we cut through a lot of the bull shit and just spoke our minds and how we felt. It always felt right. Time is a precious asset and I don’t want to waste it on games. Think of it this way, if you really like someone, why would you not tell them exactly how you feel. Wouldn’t you want them to know? We play games in relationships because we are scared someone might say something we don’t want to hear, but we should want to hear everyone’s truth and not waste any time.
Doing nothing together is an underrated comfort
My sister and I talk about this. The art of just doing nothing. You know those people in your life that you can just be with? There doesn’t have to be an ongoing conversation, or something planned out. You can just be in their presence and it flows. It’s not awkward or anything. I value my alone time very much. As an introverted homebody, being in my space with my thoughts is crucial for my well-being. I do love my human connection too, and cherish my relationships, but I am very particular about who I have in my bubble. Energy and connection go beyond words. It is a feeling you have in the presence of someone that aligns with your energy. I think the key to being in a healthy relationship is having that connection with your partner, where you can be in their presence and not feel the need to fill void.
To never settle
I wasn’t one of those girls that fantasized a perfect wedding and meeting my Prince Charming, but I was the girl who wanted to find their soulmate and wasn’t going to settle to fit into societal norms. When I first started talking to Sean, I knew he was special and that our connection was unique. I was drawn to him like a magnet. As our friendship blossomed into a romantic relationship, I realized how I had settled in the past. Relationships involve compromise of course. Blending two separate lives can be complicated and an adjustment. But, your core values, the root of what makes you YOU, is non negotiable (in my opinion). Because we had found that in each other, we felt confident in telling one another our truths, what we liked and didn’t. Again, cutting through the bull-shit.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, it’s important to understand what you deserve, spend your time wisely and surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you.
XO,
Charlene
